Cock-a-doodle-do

Melissa got a new cell phone recently. Her old phone was stolen by a group of hookers in San Diego at a late-night ice cream shop. Later we called the phone and they answered it, saying we had to meet them behind a blue van a few blocks away with $100 cash. We opted out. True story.

Anyways, this new phone allows you to go online to pay bills, get directions with GPS, and find recipes for apple pie. However, Melissa decided the very first thing she should do with her new phone would be to download a crowing rooster as her morning alarm clock ring tone…

Apparently somewhere, on some farm in the middle of nowhere, at a god forsaken hour in the early morning, a rooster belted out cock-a-doodle-do and it just so happened that a guy with a boom-mic from PimpMyCellPhoneAlarm.com was standing right there to record this god-awful noise. Now it’s on Melissa’s phone. Set to maximum volume for 6:00 am.

Every morning this bird squawks cock-a-doodle do! cock-a-doodle do! cock-a-doodle do! over and over and over at rapid-fire pace! This is the rooster from hell that flapped up on a fence post, took a shit, enjoyed a long deep breath into the crack pipe, and went to work for a few hours- making sure every living creature on God’s earth is awake. This goes on for minutes straight until Melissa decides to wake up.

I start punching myself in the ears and scream for her to to “turn it off! TURN IT OFF!!”. Finally she will snap awake, reach over, and silence the noise. Then she looks over to give me a ‘good luck going back to sleep after that’ grin and gets up, leaving me emotionally scarred having been stunned out of hibernation. I guess the damn thing does its job.

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